Shoot Your Shot 2020: Nevada’s Casino Buffet

You’ve gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

Lyrics from “The Gambler” by country singer and former roasted chicken proprietor Kenny Rogers

The following conversation took place at a recent cookout…

“Hey, we’ve made a mistake.”

“Uh oh. What’s wrong?”

“We’ve got the wrong person sitting in The Big Chair.”

“How can that be?!? Bernie won Iowa and New Hampshire. Doesn’t that put him in the chair?”

“Yes, Bernie got the most votes in both contests, but Mayor Pete has more delegates (22) than Bernie (21), and the delegate count is how we’re deciding who sits in The Big Chair.”

“Ah, you’re right. Well, I ain’t studdin’ Bernie anyway, so I’ll let him know. Does anyone else need to move?”

“Yes. Since the folding chair is in there, that’s where Uncle Joe needs to sit. He’s got the smallest number of delegates (6). Elizabeth Warren (7) and Amy Klobuchar (6) get the fancy chairs.”

“Hey, speaking of fancy chairs, the dude in the fancy mahogany chair has been getting a lot of attention.”

“Yeah, it seems like every five minutes he’s getting a new post card from a Black Caucus member. He also installed a chandelier in the hallway, which I don’t remember agreeing to, but it’s very nice.”

“You know, I thought it would slow down once those old YouTube videos came out. But he’s still rolling along. Might have to move him to The Big Table soon.”

“Well, he still has as many delegates as Tulsi (not nan one). He’ll continue to eat Partna on his gold-trimmed china until he decides to actually participate.”

“Got it. So…Nevada’s next? What dish are they sending?”

“Let’s be honest here. If we’re talking about Nevada, we’re really talking about Vegas. And if we’re talking Vegas, we’re really talking about the casino buffet!”

“We’re skipping breakfast on Saturday.”
Photo by Naim Benjelloun on

“Oh man, I can’t wait! Carving stations, dozens of desserts, and crab legs as far as the eye can see! I can’t wait!”

“They sent us six gift certificates for the buffet. We’re taking two because we’re the hosts. The the winner will get two, and we’ll give the other two to the 2nd and 3rd place finishers. Everyone else will crap out (hehehe).”

“That was corny, but we’ll allow it. Anyway, who’s got the bet shot at hitting the buffet jackpot?”

“Well Bernie has a slight lead right now, but the largest union in Nevada doesn’t care for his health care plan. Uncle Joe might have a shot of winning it and moving out of the folding chair.”

“That would be good for him, because he’s in danger of drifting into sammich territory.”

“No kidding! I’m also looking to see if the upcoming debate will include the dude in the fancy mahogany chair. We’re gonna have to make some popcorn and pour a little brown if that happens.”

“Just between us, Amy has dedicated four pages to his big-spendin’ ass in the burn book she’s quietly been writing in for nearly a year. She’s ready to read him for filth!”

[Phone buzz]

[Checks phone]

“Whoa. Take a look at this.”

“Well this is gonna be WILD!”

“Indeed. I’ll get the popcorn.”

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