Shoot Your Shot 2020: Iowa’s “Seasoned” Pork Chops

“No, there’s no salt and pepper in it, but you can add it yourself.”

Anna Ginsberg, 2006 Pillsbury Bake-Off Winner/Famous Oprah Guest

The following conversation took place at a recent cookout.

“Ooh, what’s in the pot?”

“Well, we’re 2 weeks away from the start of countin’ season, and our friends from Iowa have already sent their dish! This is what we’ll serve to our guests after the caucus.”

“Oh cool! So what did they send?”

“Since Iowa is the top pork-producing state, they’ve sent us ‘Seasoned Pork Chops’.”

“Dang, that sounds good! Let’s check ’em out!”

[Opens Pot]


“Um, what did they call this again?”

“The card says ‘Seasoned Pork Chops’.”

“Yeah, I see that. But, uh, are you sure these pork chops are seasoned?”

“That’s what the card says. Anyway, we’ll keep them warm in the oven until the caucus, then the winner will get first pick of the pork chops. And if another candidate makes a ‘surprisingly strong showing’, they will get the second pick.”

“Yo, are you sure these things are seasoned? I’m looking closely and I don’t think I see anything.”

“I’m taking their word for it. Anyway, the caucus is looking like a 4-way race between Biden, Warren, Mayor Pete, and Bernie. Any one of them can win the caucus, take the delegate lead, and move to the Head Seat at the Big Table.”

“Hey man, I don’t think these pork chops are seasoned. At best, there’s a dash of salt and maybe a squeeze of lemon…”

“Look, I know they might not be seasoned, but that’s what Iowa sent us and we have to serve it!”

“Why do we have to serve this first!?!?”

“Hell, I don’t know! Tradition? *Sigh* Let’s just keep it warm. Perhaps we can put some Lawry’s on the table when we serve it.”

“Seeing’s who’s left at The Big Table, we might not have to worry about it.”

” *Sigh* You might be right.”

“They’re right on the table. It’s not that hard.”
(Photo by Kaboompics .com on

“Hey, it looks like the pork chop at the bottom of the pot is much larger than the others. We should give it to the person who under-performs in the caucus.”

“Why would that person get the biggest pork chop?”

“Imagine getting a big pork chop on your plate. You take a bite, then realize that it’s woefully under-seasoned. How would you feel?”

“I’d feel disappointed, let down, and embarrassed. I’d question if I even wanted to stick around and be…ah, I get your point.”

“Yep. So, we’re looking at several more weeks of inadequate seasoning?”

“We’ll probably get more of the same in New Hampshire, but I bet that things will improve once we get to the Seasoned Primaries of Nevada and South Carolina. Until then, we’re gonna have to make do.”

One thought on “Shoot Your Shot 2020: Iowa’s “Seasoned” Pork Chops

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: