Shoot Your Shot 2020: Seats and Gentle Hints

“Someone who cares about you wants you to look at your polling data and avoid getting stuck with a cold sammich.”

– Anonymous

The following conversation was overheard at a recent cookout…

[Long sigh…]

“What’s wrong?”

“Honestly, I’m sick of all these folks. I was fine with having all these folks here about 8 months ago, but we’re close to Counting Season and there are still dozens of folks here!”

“I know. I can’t walk to the bathroom without stepping over someone’s poster or healthcare plan.”

“We were planning to give away several sammiches before the Iowa Caucus. Do you think it’ll still happen?”

“Nope. I’m afraid that all of these folks will stay. Each one thinks they’ll be the ‘Next One Up’ if a frontrunner falls.”

“Fine, so how are our tables looking right now?”

“No big changes in the seating chart. Warren, Kamala, Uncle Joe, Mayor Pete, and Castro are at The Big Table. And we moved up Amy Klobuchar over Cory Booker.

What HAS changed is that Elizabeth Warren is sitting at the head of the table now. She’s also drinking brown from a special glass that I’m pretty sure she took from Biden. Not sure when any of this happened.”

“Ooh, and how did he respond to that?”

“He yelled something about getting her votes, but she brushed it off and kept drinking.”

“Wow. And does Amy still have two salad forks?”

“Yep. And I stared at her the whole time when I put it down.”

“Cool. So this means we still have Cory Booker, Beto, and Andrew Yang at The Other Table?”

“Yep, and Brother Bernie is still sitting in Papa’s Recliner while he continues his recovery. He’s eating soup and drinking Sprite. He’s also drinking with his left hand to make sure that everyone sees the the wristband he got from AOC.”

“I guess we can’t fault him for that. It’s Political Cuffing Season. So should we move anyone up from the Den to The Other Table.”

“Let’s be honest, none of these other folks have a chance of winning. Tulsi, Steyer, Marianne, nan one of them is gonna win. And I bet you forgot that Not Andrew Gillum is still in the bathoom!”

“Still!?!?! It’s been weeks!”

“I know. I know.”

“The Sammich Circle”

“At this point. I think we should ask the Pastor to bring over some folding chairs. We put them in the den and arrange them in a circle around the Sammich Table. Then we wait.”

“I think that’s a good idea. And this will include the four people you mentioned, along with Dulaney and Tim Ryan?”

“Man, I forgot all about them. Also, there appears to be some smoke coming from across town. I’ve heard that a fire has started in a big dumpster. It’s small right now, but it could get serious…”

[To Be Continued]

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